Arranged marriage is stigmatized in the U.S., where parents are largely deemed ill-suited for the task of finding marriage partners for their children. But, in my opinion, things are changing Online dating is something that many couples have benefitted from and have produced successful happy relationships. The same can be said for arranged marriage, depending on 7) It can elevate social status. It might sound outdated to talk about social status and standing, but in many cultures around the world, this is still an important factor when choosing a spouse. The divorce rate in this country — which has far fewer arranged marriages than, say, India — is about 50 percent. The average divorce rate for arranged marriages worldwide is just over 4 2. Over 17% of Marriages Start Through Online Dating. According to the Statistic Brain Research Institute, 1 in 5 relationships and a little more than 1 in 6 marriages begin online. ... read more
Ahmad says that for many, being in a relationship means finding someone who is committed and interested in something long-term. With the popularity of dating sites like Tinder or Bumble and the shift to relationships being more casual, an arranged marriage is sometimes seen as a guarantee of success.
READ MORE: A sexless marriage can work. Arranged marriages have changed because marriages themselves have changed, Ahmad adds. In the past, marriages were meant to solidify economic and social status. While these things can still matter today, companionship and compatibility are just as vital. Some Asian communities still have taboos around getting divorced, which could also reflect why divorce rates in India, for example, are low. For a long time, the narrative around communities that engage in arranged marriage has been associated with forced or child marriages.
And while these are valid and ongoing problems in communities across the globe and even here in Canada , according to a CTV report , couples in consensual modern-day arranged marriages may still feel stigmatized. WATCH: Five per cent of Canadians aged had an arrange marriage, new Ipsos poll finds. In a Western culture that romanticizes love and courtship, some couples may feel embarrassed to go the arranged route.
Then there are the stories of arranged marriages falling apart or families ending up in feuds, ones that Toronto resident Sumaiya Ahmed, 29, heard before she decided to enter one. She met her now-husband, Asad Iqbal Malick, over a brief conversation on Skype.
He constantly kept asking for water. READ MORE: How alternative relationships are reshaping love in Canada. Arranged marriages work, experts argue, because people already have a mindset that they need to make it work. Sure, there are many marriages that fail, but the successful ones understand what it means to be committed.
Love marriages and arranged marriages each come with their own set of difficulties. There are no hard and fast rules for success. Nowadays, an arranged meeting should be considered nothing more than a blind date set up by someone in your family, Loveleen explains.
This week, Global News takes a look at alternative unions. Tomorrow we explore mixed-orientation unions. These are some of the findings of an Ipsos poll conducted between July 13 and 16, , on behalf of Global News. The precision of Ipsos online polls is measured using a credibility interval.
In this case, the poll is accurate to within ±3. World Canada Local. Marriage, then love — Why arranged marriages still work today. Click to return to homepage Leave a comment Share this item on Facebook Share this item via WhatsApp Share this item on Twitter Send this page to someone via email Share this item.
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Asad: Sumaiya was the first and only woman my family set me up with. I wanted a wife who would treat my family as her own. I was willing to move to Toronto for her. Sumaiya: The first time we met was in August , in Karachi, at our nikah, a Muslim wedding ceremony. When I walked down the aisle, Asad looked petrified. In my head, I was like, Relax, buddy. Asad: My palms were sweating, and my hands were shaking.
She looked absolutely beautiful. I thought she was out of my league. Two days after our nikah, I asked her out for dinner. I took her to an expensive steakhouse to impress her. Sumaiya: A year after the nikah, in August , we had a series of additional ceremonies.
We bought a pre-construction condo at Keele and Lawrence and moved in with my parents in North York while it was being built. Asad: Living in Toronto has been a huge adjustment. In Pakistan, we always had lots of help around the house.
Here, I have to chip in with the chores. Sumaiya: Thankfully, we have the main floor to ourselves. Things are great now. Asad: Sumaiya is independent and career-oriented. She challenges me, and I love that about her. Marc: In the orthodox Jewish community, arranged marriage, or shidduch, is the default option. For me, it made a lot of sense. Your parents pre-screen the person, so you know ahead of time if your life goals are the same. He and his wife are members of Beth Lida, a tiny shul in Forest Hill.
Marc: I was a member because it was close to my apartment. I was the youngest person there, and everybody was trying to set me up with their nieces and granddaughters.
Anna: I was living in New York. When I came home for Passover, I heard my mom on the phone with her cousin. What does he do? I think you should give her a call, take her out a few times and marry her.
Anna: She was so adamant about it. She just made the decision that we were getting married, and that was it. We went out that weekend. We went to a bookstore and had water. Marc: The time flew by, which I took as a good sign. I thought, Wow, tough crowd. Anna: But I agreed to give him another chance, and we went to Second Cup for a coffee. We were both much more relaxed.
The next day, I went back to work in New York—and everyone in my department was laid off. I decided to take a contract job in Israel. Marc: As luck would have it, I was also going to Israel to study at a yeshiva. Anna: By that point, I was falling in love with him. I was so happy with him and so calm and secure and trusting. We were married in , a year after we met. Close enough for jazz, as my music teacher used to say.
The truth is that marriage is transactional. There is no contract. SheKnows is a part of Penske Media Corporation. All Rights Reserved. by Ally Hirschlag Plus Icon. Ally Hirschlag. View All. March 25, at pm PM EDT. Share Share on Flipboard Plus Icon Share on Pinterest Plus Icon Share on Facebook Plus Icon Share on Twitter Plus Icon.
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My parents have been married for 25 years. Baba is a sci-fi and fantasy nerd who read Jurassic Park on their honeymoon. Mummy is a Martha Stewart type, the ultimate hostess and an Agatha Christie buff. They're different in a lot of ways, but their marriage has survived through the hardships of immigrating to a new country.
Baba worked far from home for a few years while raising two high-maintenance daughters -- me and my big sister. The Western narrative of an arranged marriage is quite severe: A family forces their oppressed daughter to marry a man 20 years her senior and she sees him for the first time at the altar. It's true that in many places, that continues to happen. Forced marriage is a misogynistic practice and one that violates basic human rights. But the truth is in the language -- arranged marriage is not the same as forced marriage.
Having your marriage arranged is essentially like going through a matchmaker. The parents search for suitable singles within their cultural community and recommend them. In my family, and in many families like mine, you're allowed to say no. The suitors your parents present to you are simply suggestions. That's how my parents' arranged marriage was set up. They were initially recommended to each other by their parents and they were able to get to know each other.
After a while, they both consented to the marriage. I guess you could say it's kind of like speed-dating. Contrary to popular assumptions, it doesn't just happen for a period of a few days. Arranged marriages take time, planning and a lot of getting to know your potential partner. It's tempting to view arranged marriage from the polarized dichotomy of good marriage and bad marriage.
Arranged marriages often being sorted into the latter, perceived through a frame of "Eastern backwardness. It's simpler to believe that than to acknowledge the complexities of arranged marriage. Like any relationship, its on a spectrum that is impacted by several factors; finances, social status, the prevalence of domestic violence, cultural differences, etc.
I've seen arranged marriages go wrong within my own family and community but I've also seen them go right. Out of my mother's five sisters, one of them had an arranged marriage that was toxic and unhealthy while three of them have successful marriages.
One is still single and has rejected the suitors that were presented to her. Almost all of my cousins had arranged marriages and are doing very well. Though the success rate of an arranged marriage might vary, the same can be said about marriages that are not arranged. I've seen some that continue to be successful and healthy while others have turned into a dysfunctional mess.
How can we really define what is the right way to get married? I've known some women who feel they can't meet someone on their own and want that help from their parents. I recall being asked whether my family would force me into an arranged marriage. I was deeply hurt by the question. My family force me into marriage? How could they think that? How could my father, whose eyes watered when he read The Lovely Bones , and my mother, a fierce independent women, do a thing as heinous as to force me to marry someone?
My parents and I have cultural and generational differences due to our different upbringings but even with their more traditional values, they wouldn't force me into marriage. Many negative assumptions about arranged marriage are fuelled by xenophobia and a sense of superiority. There is one right way to do things and any other way that differs is wrong. Though I'm not comfortable with having an arranged marriage myself, I still won't stand for rude and uninformed comments about the process.
It's not right for me but that doesn't make it automatically wrong. If I want to right to have a marriage out of love, I cannot insist that others be stripped of their right to actually want parental and community guidance in their marriage. You can choose to believe the stereotypes about arranged marriages but my parents and similar individuals continue to shatter those ideas. My parent's marriage might not be conventional in the Western sense but it's certainly not loveless. Hana Shafi is a journalist, intersectional feminist, illustrator and Lord of The Rings enthusiast hanging around Toronto.
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7) It can elevate social status. It might sound outdated to talk about social status and standing, but in many cultures around the world, this is still an important factor when choosing a spouse. Arranged marriages have changed drastically over the last couple of decades, says Dr. Saunia Ahmad, director and clinical psychologist at the Toronto Psychology Clinic. In the past, (and The omnipresence of arranged marriages in my life has caused the idea to become the accepted norm. However, being raised in the United States, the emphasis on values such as First Comes Marriage. These millennials appointed family members, friends and online matchmakers to choose their future spouses. An intimate look at modern-day arranged The divorce rate in this country — which has far fewer arranged marriages than, say, India — is about 50 percent. The average divorce rate for arranged marriages worldwide is just over 4 Arranged marriage is stigmatized in the U.S., where parents are largely deemed ill-suited for the task of finding marriage partners for their children. But, in my opinion, things are changing ... read more
The average divorce rate for arranged marriages worldwide is just over 4 percent. I was willing to move to Toronto for her. Saranya: When I visited India in , my mom brought up the subject of marriage again. Going strong in India According to some estimates, more than half of the marriages taking place around the world each year are arranged. uniquely india via Getty Images.My own parents certainly did, 23 years ago, when I got married. Click to scroll back to top of the page Back to top. So I put the word out. The two talked about jobs, arranged marriage can be reminiscent of online dating, families and dreams for the future. In the past, and this can still happen todaymarriages were agreed upon by two families when their respective children were still young. A recent Ipsos poll conducted exclusively for Global News found one in 50 Canadians two per cent said they were in an arranged marriage, and five per cent of those poll respondents were between the ages of 18 and Interviews by Christina Gonzales Photography by Galit Rodan February 11,